Football is having a couple days off, the tennis is resting today as it’s Sunday and
it is beyond a heat wave now – I am not even bothering to sunbathe – it’s that hot!
The last time I nailed the sunbathing bit is when I rigged up two rotating fans on an
extension lead and had them coming in from opposite directions on my decking and
fanning me with a gale force ten as I lay there going beautifully brown and dreaming of
Last week I decided I needed a proper sun lounger that I could lie flat on, so I ignored
that, and bought one of those blow up sun loungers that the advert states you just
have to turn on the spot and they inflate and them you twist the end and bingo – bring on the beer!
But there is no wind in the backyard and I should have noticed them standing by a cliff
in the advert. So, I had to get the fan out and it took for ever until I finally
twisted off the end and got the beer ready but could not decide which was the right
way up and really wished I had chosen blue instead of red because it bulged before me
like very angry hot lady lips in the belting sun and I sat in the centre and was
swallowed up, and I had to fight to get out and breathe and rescue my beer with one
arm stuck high in the air whilst the lips pursued me even as I crawled to the back